


it runs in the family

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post 3x10, angst with an optimistic ending, coping mechanisms that can definitely be inferred as self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 14:24:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17899805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: In the aftermath of Lilith's explosion, Isabelle does her best to be there for Alec and Jace as they struggle to deal with who (and what) was lost. But when neither of them let her in she's forced to take matters into her own hands before the situation gets even worse than it already is.





	it runs in the family

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I know there’s some debate on how the ‘tapping into one another’s feelings’ works with the parabatai bond, so for the sake of this fic we’re going with: you can totally do it, either consciously or with them just seeping through when they’re strong enough.

It isn’t often that Isabelle is the one holding everything together. Jace is the fighter, the first on the field and the last to leave it during every mission. He never shies away from taking a hit to protect her, or Alec, or any of the other Shadowhunters, for that matter. Sure, sometimes he’s a little too brash, but it’s just who he is and she loves him for it. And Alec? Alec is a born leader and her big brother through and through. Even if he wasn’t technically her commanding officer there’s no way he’d let his guard down for even a second if she might be in danger. They both know she’s more than capable in handling herself but that doesn’t stop his older sibling instincts from kicking in the moment she’s in trouble. 

It isn’t just in the field, though - they’re there for her for the emotional moments as well. Jace takes her out for comfort food and threatens to beat up any person who ever dares to break her heart, and Alec offers a shoulder to cry on more than once after she finds out about Robert’s affair, or after their mother’s de-runing. Both of them stay by her side (when she allowed them to) during the ugliest moments of her Yin Fen recovery. She has no doubts that they’re both there for her through thick and thin, no matter what. 

So when she starts to notice them spiraling - Jace first and Alec close behind - she’s caught off guard. She isn’t used to being the one in the position to help. This might actually be the first time she has enough of her life together to even be able to  _ consider _ acting as someone else’s support instead of the other way around. 

She tries to reach out to them, of course - hoping to start a conversation innocently enough and branch into a more serious discussion. It never works. They deflect, grow defensive, and shut down in true Lightwood fashion. So she falls back for the first few days, hoping they’ll sort themselves out and settle like they always have in the past. 

But this is unlike anything they’ve faced before, and they don’t settle. In fact, things only go from bad to worse. 

After just a few days she can’t continue to stay silent. She offers help, insists they lean on her. They won’t have it. They won’t talk to her, doubtless trying to protect her, but that doesn’t mean she can’t see the way they both change after the night of the explosion. They’re both irritable and hiding in their work;Jace is out on patrol more hours than not.  Every time she sees Jace his eyes lose a little more light, a little more life. He volunteers for the most dangerous missions and his actions become reckless. Alec hides it better, at least, but the unrest and guilt he feels through their parabatai bond weighs on him... and that’s on  _ top _ of the guilt he feels over Magnus’ loss of magic. He tries to be strong for Jace’s sake, for Magnus’, and for her own, but Isabelle can see him cracking at the edges and wonders how long it’ll be until he breaks. 

It’s less than a week before Jace snaps. She sees the broken mirror in the bathroom, shards of glass littering the floor, and follows the trail the drops of blood leading out of the room make though she already knows where they’ll end. Unsurprisingly she finds herself standing outside Jace’s room, and opens the door without knocking. It looks like a hurricane tore through it. Anything on a shelf or a tabletop is now on the floor. Chairs sit askew, some knocked over entirely, and there’s a mark on the wall with the same tell-tale drying crimson that brings her here. 

“Oh, Jace.” She says softly, the name escaping her lips in a painful sigh. She shuts the door again and retreats, asking him later about his bandaged hand. 

“Hit the punching bag a little too hard,” he shrugs, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. 

“Jace-” she starts to argue. He can’t keep lying to her like this, he needs to let her in. 

“Drop it.” 

There’s a dangerous edge to his voice, one she isn’t sure she’s ever heard directed at her before. 

It silences her immediately and she turns away before she says something she’ll regret. 

She’s walking by the training room when the sound of somebody  _ actually _ hitting the punching bag a little too hard draws her attention. Spotting Alec in the room isn’t surprising; seeing him in jeans instead of workout clothes (the button-down shirt he was wearing earlier tossed to the side), however,  is definitely unusual. He obviously didn’t plan on ending up here. The next thing that catches her off-guard is the way he’s beating the bag - because he isn’t just training, he’s  _ attacking _ it, sending it swinging every which way with a force more akin to rage than his usual frustration. His breathing is heavy and Isabelle can’t quite tell if the moisture on his face is only sweat or tears, too.

“Alec?” She tries hesitantly from the doorway. He doesn’t even register her presence, letting out a noise that’s as much a scream as it is a cry while his hits intensify; even from a distance Isabelle can see his knuckles split.  “Alec! ALEC!” Before she knows what she’s doing she’s crossing the room, grabbing her brother by the shoulder to pull him away from the punching bag. 

Alec, startled by the sudden touch in the heat of the moment he’s lost in, spins toward her with the swing of a fist she narrowly dodges, the arm falling to his side when he sees her and stares with confusion. 

“Alec what the  _ hell _ ,” Izzy gasps, eyes wide.

“You should know better than to sneak up on someone like that,” he huffs, like this is her fault somehow. 

“I was yelling your name.” She points out, eyes dropping to his hands. “Let me see that,” she demands, pulling out her stele. 

“It’s fine. I deal with it later.” 

“Alec, what’s wrong with you?” 

“Nothing. I’m fine, just drop it.” He snaps, eyes narrowing, and Izzy’s struck with a moment of dejavu. 

“You too? You sound like Jace.” No sooner do the words leave her mouth does Isabelle pause. “Alec, you’re not--” 

“It’s fine,” he repeats for a third time, but he isn’t talking about his hand this time. “I’m just keeping tabs on him. It isn’t like I can keep half of it out anyway.” 

She knows what he’s doing now - why he’s down here with a fury she isn’t used to seeing in  _ this _ brother. “Tapping into the bond while he’s like this isn’t good for you, Alec.” She knows he means well. He wants to make sure Jace is alright, and if he isn’t, Alec wants to know  _ exactly _ how not alright he is. But that doesn’t mean he can shoulder the pain they’re both feeling at the same time, especially not if this reaction is any proof. 

“I’ve got it under control, Izzy.” He sighs. “I wish I could say the same for Jace. I’m worried about him. I know he’s done stupid things before, but I’m  _ really _ worried this time.” 

“Yeah,” she agrees, looking at him with dark eyes full of concern. “I know the feeling.” 

\---

When Jace volunteers himself for a high-risk mission Izzy isn’t surprised to find Alec agreeing to go right behind him. Jace glares, vaguely aware he’s being babysat, but Alec pretends not to notice when he makes some off-handed comment about taking the reins on anything involving the escaped convicts. Of course Izzy knows better, and with just a moment’s pause for consideration she’s rounding out the patrol by throwing her own name onto the roster. 

“What?” She asks with an innocent shrug. “I’ve been spending too much time in the Weapons room. Don’t want to get rusty, do I?” 

She doesn’t know what to expect with the three of them out on the field together but no amount of imagining could prepare her for what goes down. Jace, running out ahead without a plan, nearly getting himself killed in his recklessness. Alec thinking quick to step in and save the situation but not quick enough to stop Jace from getting hurt. She made the mistake of thinking they could hold it together when it mattered, when lives were at stake. She was wrong. 

And so Isabelle, despite her best intentions, now stands helpless at a distance before she’s able to step in to take control and finish the job. She listens as Jace yells at her and walks away, not even trying to hear reason. 

She wants to help him, but instead she feels herself losing him more and more with every step away from her he takes... and she can’t think of a single thing she can do to stop it. 

\---

Isabelle has a little extra work to do for her end of the report after Jace’s actions in the field, but once it’s done she’s eager to hand it off to Alec and be done for the day. She stops by Alec’s office, only giving one short knock before making her way inside like she normally does. 

“Hey Alec, I finished up the forensi--” she starts, already holding out the paperwork she came to drop off in her hands when she notices the way Alec brings both hands immediately up to his face and turns away from her. 

“Hey Iz,” he manages, and though she can hear him fighting to keep his tone even there’s a crack he doesn’t manage to control. 

“Alec what’s wrong?” She asks, already knowing the answer. 

“Is that the report? Here, I’ll take it,” he swings around in his chair, eyes red and face lightly flushed, but to his credit he manages an almost convincing neutral expression. 

“Alec,” she repeats with pleading eyes, holding the papers away from him now so he can’t reach them. The report can wait.  

“It’s just… you saw him out there, Iz. It’s so overwhelming all the time, it just never stops. The guilt, the anger, the frustration… he can’t keep going on like this.” 

“And neither can you.” She doesn’t just mean the parabatai bond either, and the pointed look she gives him makes that very clear. “Clary isn’t your fault as much as it isn’t his. Magnus either. You can’t keep carrying the weight for both of you.” 

“That’s easy for you to say,” Alec mutters. 

“No, it isn’t. None of this is easy for me. I’m watching the two of you lose control more and more each day and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. I might not be bound to you but I’m still your sister and I can’t keep watching my brothers self-destruct at arm’s length, it isn’t fair!” 

Alec falls very quiet after her outburst and for a moment or two Izzy is positive she said the wrong thing and that he’s about to kick her out and never speak to her again. Maybe it’s selfish of her, but she refuses to allow herself to fall into the same pit as Alec and Jace - she wants to help them, but she won’t allow them to drag her down into silent denial with them in the process. 

“You’re right.” 

“Of course I am.” She allows the briefest flicker of a smile before her phone is in her hand, dialing a number and bringing it up to her ear. “Alec’s office, now.” She hangs up before the person on the other end can argue and a few minutes later Jace is standing in the doorway, hesitating at the sight of them. 

“Emergency Lightwood Sibling meeting. Shut the door.” 

They might not want to let her help them but she’s beyond giving them the option. She’s been going about this all wrong - they didn’t need her to stand by and be supportive, to try and talk and offer condolences and reassurances. They didn’t need her to be there waiting for whenever they decide to come around and talk to her. What they need - and what she fully intends to give them - is a reality check. 

“I know I’m your kid sister, but I’m not some fragile little girl. I’m your equal.  _ Both of you _ . And you need to start talking to me and letting me help before this gets out of control and someone dies out there.  _ Again _ . What happened with Lilith is neither of your faults, but if this keeps up and something else happens, this time it  _ will  _ be on you.” 

Isabelle knows the words are harsh but she also knows that Alec takes his ability to lead very seriously, as does Jace. Even though she almost can’t bring herself to say them, once the words are out and she sees the way Jace diverts his gaze towards the floor and Alec shifts away from her in his chair it’s clear that they have the desired effect. 

“And if you aren't going to talk to me, at least talk to  _ someone,  _ because neither of you can keep going on like this. Look at you.” 

She looks pointedly between Jace and Alec, her gaze dropping down to Alec’s newly re-bandaged hands. Jace’s eyes narrow at the telltale site of it knowing, as it always is with Alec, that anything he doesn’t immediately fix with an iratze is intentional. “I thought you stopped that,” Jace says quietly. 

Alec glances down at the scarring cuts still healing on Jace's own hands, left over from the other day’s outburst. “I didn't think you would start.” 

It dawns on Jace what Alec is talking about and he looks close to tears, mirroring the state Isabelle found Alec in minutes before. 

“I'm sorry. You shouldn't have… I shouldn't have let it get bad enough for you to feel, I didn't realize…” As if for the first time, Jace seems to be thinking of how his actions are affecting more than just him and Izzy knows she’s finally getting through. This is the push they needed, to pull themselves together not for their own sakes, but for each other’s. 

“See? This is what happens when we push each other away. We’re supposed to be a team. No, screw that, we’re a  _ family _ . Neither of you have to deal with all of this alone.  _ Let. Me. Help. You.”  _

Alec and Jace mumble something and Izzy crosses her arms over her chest, eyebrow raised. “What was that?”    
  
“Okay.”   
“Fine.” 

Come the slightly louder replies, and she allows herself the briefest flicker of a smile at her victory. It doesn’t last long, knowing the circumstances that made it necessary. 

“I’m going to call mom and see if she wants to have us all over for dinner tonight like she’s been talking about all week. No cases. No patrols. No paperwork. One night to unwind and recharge. Deal?” 

She can’t help but sound a little too eager as she makes the suggestion because it’s as much for her as it is for them. She needs this. She misses her brothers, her mother, her  _ family _ . Not a day has gone by since the explosion that she didn’t consider how easily she could’ve lost any one of them and it’s a thought that keeps her up at night. Who knows how many more chances they’ll have to be together like this? She always knew it was part of the job… they all did. But it’s never felt as real as it does now. 

If they can sense the desperation in her tone they’re kind enough not to mention it. 

“That sounds really nice, actually.” Jace is the first to agree. And then, after a pause, adds, “Thanks, Izzy.” 

“It does, she’ll really like that.” Alec agrees. “Thanks.” 

Neither of them have to say that it isn’t the idea of dinner they’re taking her for. 

“You’re welcome.” 

It isn’t going to be easy, and it isn’t going to be quick, but they’re going to make it through this. Maybe a little worse for wear, but when aren’t they these days? So long as they stick together they can handle whatever the world - Shadow or otherwise - throws at them. 

Starting tomorrow.  

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell) while we all hang out waiting for someone to #SaveShadowhunters ! <3)


End file.
